“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. ” Psalm 34:18
It seems everywhere we turn we hear of dear friends who have passed from this life to their eternal home with God. The pandemic has taken its toll on many families, causing unexpected loss that will take many years to process.
Left behind are grieving families that grapple with the sudden loss of their family members, sometimes two people from the same family. Nothing has prepared us for this life shattering event. So many loss was experienced at all levels and in all spheres of life no matter how rich or poor. In fact, we can all relate to the notion that we can refer to experiences as either pre of post pandemic.
Things that the pandemic has taught us is that life is precious, that we are susceptible to destructive viruses and that our wealth and prosperity is vulnerable to economic downturns. But most importantly tit has taught us that we are inextricably connected to each other, no matter where we live in the world.
Nothing in life is promised to be permanent. Life is ever changing and sometimes we cannot prepare for everything.
Loss is part of the human journey, but it is also the most excruciating thing that we will ever experience. Many things in life cause a broken heart, the loss of a love one, divorce, the loss of a job, a beloved pet a precious relationship. No one can truly comprehend what someone who’s going through loss are experiencing. Loss and heart break is so personal and so intimate to the person going through it.
This is also why we should be careful to give ‘advice’ when we try to console those who are suffering. Even with the most sincere intentions, we can do more harm than good. Many times in our sufferings, we appreciate it more if someone sits with us in silence without offering advice or consolation.
When we lose something or someone dear to us, the pain of that loss can be so intense that it feels as though we’re unable to breath. A little boy described it as the “big hurt”. He said the hurt over the loss of his grandmother was so much that his little body couldn’t contain it, when the hurt becomes too big, it leaks out of his eyes and afterwards he feels a little better, until it leaks again.
I thought this was such an appropriate way to describe the grief we feel when we lose a loved one.
All loss require grieving:
It is important to allow ourselves to let the grief “leak” out sometimes. This could be tears that quietly water our cheeks or just talking about our loved one with someone who is willing to listen. It is our nature to grieve over loss and this is a process. No one can tell us how long or short our grieving will be, how quickly we will ‘get over it’ and ‘move on’. Interestingly, there are many people who don’t get over it and who can never come to terms with their loss.
Thankfully, our Saviour knows what this feels like and he understands, because He went through the same suffering and more.
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Isaiah 53:3
Grief’s five stages:
Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross developed the 5 stages of grief that suggest the process people go through after the loss of a loved one.
1. Denial
It is difficult to deal with the overwhelming emotions that come with the loss of a loved one. In order to minimise and manage the impact on our emotions we slip into denial as coming to grips that that person is no longer with us can be too difficult to comprehend. Our reality shifts as we remember moments spent with that person. Denial tries to slow the grieving process down as we are not ready to fathom the future without that person.
2. Anger
Anger is a common emotion after the loss of a loved one. It is often easier to express anger at people or God for the loss of that loved one. This often easier than showing our true feelings of being scared to face the future without that person. Anger can unfortunately isolate is at a time when we need comfort and solace the most.
3. Bargaining
In this stage of the grieving process, it is not unusual for us to become acutely aware of our humaness, that there is a higher power that we can petition. We begin to bargain with God saying things like: “If you heal this person, I will love them better.” This usually gives us a sense of control over a situation that is out of our hands.
4. Depression
As we progress through grief we realise that no matter what we do or how we bargain, we’re unable to change the outcome. We begin to look at the reality of what is happening and become more present with seeing the situation as it is. We become introspective and withdraw into ourselves as the emotions grow. We tend to be less social and can become quite isolated.
Of you or a loved one is struggling with depression contact the _____________________________________
5. Acceptance
At this stage in the grieving process we are no longer resisting what has happened, or trying to make it something different. We may still experience feelings of regret and a lot of sadness, but the other tactics of denial, anger, bargaining are less prevalent to our survival
Beauty in the pain.
Someone once said: ” We are creatures who were born to transform pain into beauty. We have all experienced pain or will experience pain at some point in our lives. We can do 2 things with that pain:
- Either NOT acknowledge it and end up consciously or unconsciously taking it out on other people through abuse or passive aggression.
- Accept that pain is part of life and that we have the ability to transform it into something else. Something beautiful to heal other people or to give creative expression through grief.
It’s important to know that pain is not a detour from the main road we are on. It’s all part of the main road.
We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, concerning those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve like the rest, who have no hope. 1 Thessalonians 4:13
God is near, forever standing with us in our deepest sorrow and our greatest pain, saying:
“I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5
Amen
